Update Sorry may be sad.

I drink,
Alot.

I really do mean a lot.

I try to eat, and don't ever eat enough. But I try.

I dont know what will happen.  My husband doesn't have a job and i work three days a week.  Nothing is certain.

Nothing in my future holds any real hope.  I am lost.  Please just let me wake up from this nightmare.

I miss Leelu so much it hurts beyond words.  I just want to hold her again and go to sleep listening to her sweet purr.

My other cats are sick too now.  Cyrene is lethargic, eyes rolling into the back of her head, wont eat, hardly drinks, and we cannot afford to take her to the vet.  I drink to forget because there is nothing i can do, and her sickness just reminds me of Leelu, and my entire failure of a life.  Im living with a friend.  My husband and I will be sharing a room with a third person soon.

I want to die.  Sorry that is the truth.  I sincerely hope i die of alcohol poisoning or a heart attack.  I cannot bear the pain anymore.